The Relationship Between Loneliness and Anxiety
We are often called the age of anxiety as our modern society experiences uncertainty and change at rapid levels. We are living in a time that brings forward enormous degrees of innovation and instantaneous connectivity across continents. We are exposed to loads of information and media sources. All this brings its benefits and challenges, however, underneath this, is the existential loneliness we all experience, but fail to admit to ourselves. Thankfully, this age has reduced the stigma of talking about that excruciating discomfort that nags at us all even if it barely whispers - our anxiety. But what else is tied to that feeling?
Anxiety and loneliness can create a reinforcing cycle. Loneliness stems from a deep existential sense of being and feeling alone in this world. Humans are of course resilient and find ways to cope with this. This can typically look like religion and faith-based structures or ideologies that help to provide a framework for belief that overcomes that impending sense of doom as we oftentimes relate to our fears around and relationship to death. Loneliness can heighten anxiety, and increased anxiety can lead to more social withdrawal, perpetuating the cycle of loneliness and further elevating anxiety levels.
Loneliness can persist regardless of the quantity of people, the type of job, or the amount of stuff we may have. It’s a part of our human existence. This relates to one of my favored approaches in my work, Existential Psychotherapy. Existential Therapy was influenced and developed by different philosophical figures such as Søren Kierkegaard, Frederich Nietzsche, Jean-Paul Sartre, Viktor Frankl, Rollo May, and one of my favorites, Irvin Yalom. It centers around finding meaning and purpose in life’s givens and universal human experiences, such as death, freedom, and isolation. It falls in the humanistic branch of psychology and promotes an authentic and free way of existence. The focus on universal human experiences, such as death, freedom, and isolation, makes it more broadly applicable across diverse cultures. There’s also an emphasis on personal values and beliefs that allow therapists to respect and incorporate clients' cultural backgrounds into the therapeutic process, and honor multiculturalism.
This theory is basically saying that loneliness and isolation are a part of the bargain of your human existence. It’s a given as Irvin Yalom would call it. So, part of my life’s work as a professional and fellow human is to help us grapple with and stay curious about the way our loneliness, as a close relative of our anxiety, fuels impulsive, often undesirable, behaviors. This can look like seeking out immediate gratification and pleasure-driven activities that feel good and help to soothe the void of loneliness that awaits and is relentless. For example, engaging in any form of excess from excess drinking, excess masturbation, excess eating, excess media consumption of any kind, excess smoking, to you name it. The aim is to go into that void with courage and trust that you’ll come out with some renewed sense of self.
To help find our footing and start to learn to navigate the discomfort we feel that speaks to our shared loneliness and collective anxiety, I’d encourage you first to consider the ways you try to avoid that lingering unease, discomfort, or boredom to shake the hints of loneliness and anxiety that are banging on the door of your fullest existence.
I’d be honored to help be a part of that process. I know too well what it’s like to not belong or fit in. My therapy work will take you beyond that ping of discomfort that stems from a deep void within us all to a more expansive and meaningful space within yourself. It starts with the relationship between you and you!
Book your Free Call with me. Let’s dive in…TOGETHER!