Spiritual Lessons From Your Family Dynamics and Gatherings
During this season of life I keep coming back to this - “If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family" - Ram Dass.
These words capture immense and profound truth. This quote surfaces the significance of understanding ourselves, our patterns, and the origination of them. Quality time with our loved ones and most specifically our nuclear family or those who played a significant role in our bringing never fails to disappoint in illuminating where you can grow and evolve. This is why people often are anxious and stressed about going home for the holidays or you can witness people revert into a different version of themselves when in the presence and proximity of family. This familiar environment can instantly activate a part of you, for better or worse, that can lead you down the rabbit hole of where all your issues stem from and potential or greatness resides. The root cause of what is can then transform and transcend to a different expression with thorough exploration. It’s not always a pleasant reminder to feel and embody where your buttons exist and watch them be pushed when embracing your family’s company. At times, the origin of these deep-seated feelings, thoughts, and behaviors doesn’t start at your nuclear family but rather lies more truly in the generational lineage of your family history and intergenerational makeup. Regardless if you’re conscious of what’s passed down and by who exactly, the reality is that certain qualities come online in your family’s presence. Out of dormancy, or the subconscious or unconscious layer, where it might be housed while living your own life, the key to some of your most troublesome expressions is found when interacting with parents, siblings, and the like.
The difficulty of maintaining a sense of enlightenment, or demonstrating a more evolved version of yourself, around family members can be attributed to stress responses, deeply ingrained emotional patterns, and the influence of intergenerational trauma. These factors combine to create a complex and challenging environment for personal development and emotional regulation. Families often involve complex emotional relationships and unresolved conflicts. These ingrained patterns can resurface in family settings, complicating efforts to maintain a sense of personal growth. Unresolved issues and trauma from previous generations can be passed down which can affect family dynamics and individual behavior. The interconnectedness among family members and throughout their entire lineage can reinforce certain behavioral patterns and ways of relating to each other. These dynamics easily persist creating cycles of typical conflict and stress and are hard to break free of as an individual. Therefore, a high level of self-understanding and self-mastery is required to overcome the habitual challenges associated with the firm grasp of familial ties on your mode of being.
As someone reasonably close to my parents, especially as I live with them and have for a few years now, I can affirm the power and wisdom of this quote. As I live and breathe in my childhood home through my early adult years, I get the opportunity to intensely recognize, build self-awareness, tussle and turn with the discomfort, explore my inner workings more deeply, avoid the heck out of it, numb out, feel crippled, and desperately yearn for refuge. It’s not a walk in the park, however, I’m fully aware of the great privilege I’m afforded with their support. I would say that they more easily meet my physical needs for safety and financial security whereas my emotional needs of feeling seen and emotionally safe are harder to achieve at times.
Being in this environment, I find myself lost in time traveling. From little me as a young child to me as a teenager, to striving to be a good student and daughter, fast forward to me now married and a young adult in the making of my “becoming.” I get catapulted back and forth into how I used to and still might cope with emotional triggers. I strive to create new pathways forward each new day with the nagging and incessant reminder of what I’m up against as I coexist in the now with the origin story of my faults and shortcomings.
I often witness my desire to break from the chains of feeling stuck, small, insignificant, unworthy, anxious, and doubtful. All my “worst” qualities come alive - front and center - as I exist in this environment that activates so much on many deep levels. I am powerless in a sense to it and can feel crippled by victimization and blame. When I find myself in a cycle and come to the point where I’m able to come up for air and experience feeling anew, I recognize how much is happening all at once and on levels I’m not consciously aware of. It’s unproductive to fight the current of these less-than-desirable internal dialogues, feelings, and behaviors. I aim to resume and reconnect to my sense of self-responsibility and autonomy as a pillar of true change.
Family is indeed one of the most influential teachers in our lives, shaping us in ways both visible and subtle, for better and worse. While we may often focus on inherited shortcomings or unresolved conflicts, it's essential to recognize that these very challenges can become pathways to profound personal growth and healing. The struggles we face within our family dynamics can offer us invaluable insights into ourselves and our relationships. As we continue to learn from our family, we find that the path to healing and growth is illuminated by the very lessons we once saw as obstacles. By acknowledging and working through these inherited difficulties, we have the opportunity to transform them into our greatest strengths. This process often involves introspection, self-compassion, and a willingness to address and heal past wounds. By viewing our family history and experiences as integral to our personal narrative, we can harness these insights to build a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Embrace these lessons, and let them guide you toward becoming the hero of your own life story.
*Please note that this blog is not intended to speak for everyone as there may be some extremely abusive and harmful family dynamics that may not be entirely applicable to the points made in this blog.