Unhelpful Messages Around Healing: Moving Toward True Wholeness

My Observations and Personal Experience

I know firsthand what it’s like to place too much trust in a healer or coach, only to find myself losing a sense of my own power.

I recall trying to overcome my people-pleasing tendencies by seeking the approval of the very person I thought could help me—only to realize I was still trapped in the same patterns.

I've also experienced therapists’ projections, moments when their own issues and biases affected me deeply.

For instance, one therapist asked me pointedly, “Why are you in this relationship? Don’t you think you’re enough, Arielle?”

Her words stung, and I felt hurt and unsafe. Reflecting on that session now, I understand she was trying to help, hoping to offer an “answer” to my pain.

Yet her answer wasn’t mine to embrace. Instead, I needed to find my own way of validating that I was “enough.”

As both a board-certified health and wellness coach and a therapist, I’ve spent years navigating diverse frameworks in the mental health field and observing trends, especially with social media's influence. Instagram is flooded with “best tips,” defining what is “healthy,” “unhealthy,” “toxic,” “right,” or “wrong.”

Healing is now “in style,” a fact both wonderful and concerning. With this trendiness, however, comes the risk of oversimplified advice that might hinder true healing.

Defining“True Healing” and “Paradox”

I want to share three insights on unhelpful messages around healing, to guide you to greater integration and wholeness.

True healing means becoming whole by embracing both strengths and shadows, learning to fully accept yourself as you are right now—not some “perfected” version far in the future.

True healing doesn’t mean avoiding accountability but rather developing the self-awareness to embrace all parts of yourself, even those you may struggle to love.

It’s about honoring your full self, and understanding that healing encompasses all the ups and downs that make you human.

True healing requires the capacity to understand what is a paradox - a frame of reference for when things are uncertain or may not be what they seem.

I’m a big fan of what I call “holding space for the paradox” which means being able to see the inextricable link and relatedness between what seems like two opposing forces.

Paradox is a perspective we can use to straddle the tension of two conflicting elements and see that both can be true.

For example, consider light and dark. They appear as polar opposites yet are strongly linked because you cannot have one without the other.

Carl Jung shares, “The paradox is one of our most valuable spiritual possessions…only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.”

Lean into holding space for the paradox when you feel challenged and consider how it might support you in attaining true healing towards wholeness - all parts of you - rather than reinforcing a fragmented sense of self - only the parts you deem likable or good.

The main messages and themes I speak to below support you in orienting toward a greater sense of wholeness as you heal, learn, and grow rather than feeling down and out about the endless nature of healing.

1. Healing Is Not a Problem to Solve but a Journey to Experience

True healing is a fulfilling journey, not a checklist or problem to fix.

This perspective encourages a sense of presence, joy, and meaning in every twist and turn of your life.

Often, people feel drained when things don’t go as planned or when healing seems slow.

Consider moments of setback: instead of labeling them as failures, see them as part of your growth, much like an adventurer exploring uncharted territory.

This journey allows you to derive meaning from even the bumps along the way, giving each experience value rather than viewing healing as something to “achieve.”

2. Acceptance Precedes Change

One of the most misunderstood concepts in healing is that true change starts with acceptance—a principle called the paradoxical theory of change in Gestalt therapy.

The idea is simple: what you resist persists. Without fully acknowledging and understanding an uncomfortable part of yourself, meaningful change can’t happen.

When we judge or dislike certain qualities, we essentially build a wall around them, making transformation more difficult.

Think of a trait you dislike, maybe a tendency toward self-criticism.

Instead of berating yourself to change it, try sitting with it. Notice it without judgment.

Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it simply means seeing yourself clearly, which can then lead to genuine growth.

Imagine the process of dismantling a brick wall—each act of acceptance removes a brick, letting you engage with this part of yourself directly.

3. Avoid Oversimplifying or Overcomplicating the Process

Healing work can be overly simplified or overly complicated, and both can be damaging.

When oversimplified, people are often told to “just stay positive” or “focus on gratitude” during difficult times.

While positivity has its place, these statements can be dismissive, failing to honor the complex emotions and unmet needs that are present.

For example, telling someone who has lost a loved one to simply “be grateful for the memories” overlooks their pain and need for space to grieve.

On the other hand, overcomplicating the process can be just as harmful, creating an exhausting cycle of self-monitoring and hyper-vigilance about every emotion.

This can lead to fragmentation, where you feel divided into “acceptable” and “unacceptable” parts of yourself.

True healing involves holding opposing feelings and experiences at once.

Consider a difficult situation in your life where you felt both resentment and gratitude. Rather than labeling these feelings as “good” or “bad,” try viewing them as equally valid.

This perspective can feel paradoxical but often brings clarity and peace, helping you move toward a fuller understanding of yourself.

By approaching healing through these three themes, you can embrace a more nuanced and self-compassionate path, free from restrictive labels and unrealistic expectations.

True healing respects the complexity of your emotions and experiences, ultimately empowering you to accept yourself in all your multifaceted humanity.

Use Your Intuition Along the Way

With so much information available on “the best” ways to heal and countless “answers” to life’s common challenges, the real opportunity lies in strengthening your intuition.

Learning to discern what feels aligned—or misaligned—with your values and needs is key to choosing the right helping professional for the specific season you’re experiencing.

A significant part of the healing journey is learning to make decisions for yourself, fostering a greater sense of self-responsibility rather than relying on external sources for all the answers.

As you navigate the abundance of opinions (and yes, it can be overwhelming), consider what feels like the next best, small step forward on your path toward wholeness or true healing.

Deep down, you know, and sometimes it’s about giving yourself the chance to lean into that inner wisdom to determine what is “right” or “wrong,” “healthy” or “unhealthy” for you.

I highlight these common, mixed messages to help you embrace those forks in the road, and remember that a helping professional is simply one tool of many designed to support you in helping yourself.

Be mindful of any messages that might push you to ignore your own discernment or override the nuance of your unique experience.

I’m here to help you hold space for all that complexity, and to support the simplicity that comes with honoring life’s paradoxes—because, ultimately, it’s in the paradox that your wholeness exists.